This experience was good for me because I have been that coordinator before. I have delegated, and then been ashamed of the persons efforts, I have been so busy being in charge and in the limelight that I didn't acknowledge others contributions; I have felt like everything was on my shoulders, and it wasn't. When you feel that way it looks like you are trying to take the event away from people, like it's only yours and not there's too. My feelings were hurt after this event, but mostly my conscious was pricked. This experience made me think back to a time in college when I was planning a dinner party for 150 people. I had a lot of people volunteer to help. I had one particular grunt work job that I didn't want to do; clean this filthy cooler that had been sitting out in our yard for months. I asked my sister to clean it. You could tell that she wasn't thrilled with the assignment, I am not sure I even thanked her for buying a new one (she didn't want to clean it either). What I learned yesterday was that even when you are in charge, you shouldn't act ashamed of anyone's contribution, and you should never feel like you are the only one contributing, or that you just care more than other people; because it's probably not true. Is this experience unique to me? It's okay if it is, I am a piece or work!
Sunday, September 30, 2012
A Kick in the Bum
I am bossy. I am the oldest child, I have a husband who is not bossy, I am a bossy mother, I am a PTA coordinator at school, I am a teacher at church, I do most of the buying in our home; you get the idea. I almost never have anybody tell me what to do, and when that rare occasion does occur, it's not always easy for me. This past weekend I was helping a friend with a charity race. (I don't think anyone local checks this blog) She was in charge, and I wasn't. I picked out some prizes for the winners, she really didn't like them. I showed up to time, she forgot that she asked me to time and did it herself. There were plenty of other things to get done, so I just tried to stay busy. When they were announcing the prizes I put what I had brought up by the announcer, and she clearly was embarrassed by my contribution; apologizing for the offerings. I stayed to the end to help clean up and load cars etc. I was not having a great time, but I knew that my friend liked me and was doing all of this for a good cause, and she was enjoying the fruits of all her planning and hard work, so I tried to focus on the positives. I left the event without a thank you, and I was definitely feeling sorry for myself. I know some of you wouldn't have even noticed these things, and that's because this is my weakness and not yours :)
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4 comments:
You are brave to post this!
I think anyone would have felt the way you did in that situation, but the difference is that not everyone could keep their cool and think it through from their friend's perspective. And keep such good perspective to remember that you are friends, despite such a negative experience. It's easy to just want to bail out after getting your feelings hurt. I would have felt bitter also. But it really is difficult to be in a leadership role and not screw up with someone someway. But maybe with your new perspective you will be getting closer!
It was so interesting to read this. I am ALWAYS on the other side. I never like being in charge. Never like people following my lead. Don't care if things are done my way. (Of course I do like being right.) One of my favorite ways for things to happen, is me come up with an idea and then let my friends run away with the details of it. Anyway, the interesting thing is, I rarely if ever, feel bothered by the "bossiness." I'm always so impressed with people like you who take charge and can orchestrate a grand production. SO. While maybe every once in a while you handle things imperfectly, give yourself a pat on the back for doing it all in the first place. Not everyone can. Or wants to. Or will.
I'm like Lauren. I'm the youngest and would rather not be in charge. I was in a primary presidency in draper with a woman I loved. After we moved, they tried to replace me 3 separate times (my dad was in the bishopric) but nobody could work with that particular president because her leadership was like the girl you described. She was eventually released. I loved this post, and now I'm off to make sure my counselors and teachers know how much I appreciate them. :)
Don't be so hard on yourself. I'm proud of you for coming away with a mind full of self-improvement ideas. You are exceptional and I don't care if you are embarrassed I'm writing this. Good work with the self-talk and reassurance that kept you helpful throughout the day sis.
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