Finally

When Adam was born, and Anna too for that matter, I felt elated.  I felt like the luckiest person on the planet and wanted to share my good fortune with everyone.  I haven't had that natural high this time.  Maybe it's the weather, maybe it's the chaos of our big and young family cramped into a small space, maybe it's Spencer's stress at work, maybe it's acid-re flux; it's probably that and a few other things.  What it isn't is Walt.  I have felt kind of guilty, guilt similar to Kate's birth, that I haven't felt on top of the world.   Today some of the guilt was removed .

I was having a quiet moment with Walt in our bedroom when, for a moment, I stopped feeling so vulnerable.  I looked at Wally and was reminded that he was born into a family that REALLY loves each other.  I REALLY love his Dad, I REALLY love his siblings, and I REALLY love him; and that is incredibly powerful.  It helped me forgive myself for some of the yelling, some of the dirt, and a lot of the disappointment in myself.  Thank goodness for times when you experience forgiveness.  I've had people ask what it's like having four kids and I've struggled with how to respond.  I'm incredibly grateful to have them all and I'm excited for what's to come.