Church

Today in our big group meeting at church where we sit as a family something interesting happened.  We had come to church in a state of chaos, this in and of it self is not interesting, or very unusual.  We were late, Adam hated his new shoes and shirt, the girls were both tired, etc.   What WAS different was that I was feeling a little desperate.  Kate hasn't been feeling well the past few weeks, her allergies are acting up and she is SUPER edgy when she doesn't feel well.  Kate and I are a lot alike in that we can handle one thing going wrong, but two things is just too much; and we become easily discouraged.  For example, I can handle being late to church, if I've done everything else right; but I hadn't.  

Right before we left the house Spencer and I were discussing what we could do to snap Kate out of her funk.  He suggested that maybe I needed to try a different technique (my technique is to expect the same behavior all of the time, no matter what).  I was taking Kate's behavior personally, and I was responding emotionally.  He suggested that I try to ignore her bad behavior, and see what happens.  This goes against every cell in my body, but I said I would try, I said I could only commit to the next three hours.  On the way to church I was actually contemplating just ignoring her all together and having Spencer do all the Kate parenting.  Terrible I know.  These thoughts were obviously bringing me down.  So as I walked into church and sat in a pew I offered a quick plea, lift me up!

Guess what the topic was - loving your neighbor.  As I listened to the speakers I began to see how I was trying to control Kate, and that has nothing to do with love.  My heart was softened and I could more clearly see what she needed from me.  My feelings of despair started to ebb, and I was thinking there was hope! One of the things I so quickly forget about my dear little Kate is that she is a barometer.  If I'm feeling stressed or negative or disappointed she picks up on it and acts out.  The opposite effect is also very true.  When I am happy and hopeful, she senses that too; and she is very affectionate and light.  She of course is independent from me in lots of ways; but if she's already feeling anxious, she doesn't need her grown mother adding to her list of concerns.  This is an awesome responsibility that I feel to monitor my own emotions so much; but it's required to parent such a sensitive soul.  Thank goodness for church is what I say.  One minute I'm incapable of thinking beyond myself, and the next I'm uplifted and on my way, feeling like I will live to parent another day!