Today it started early. Before school Kate seemed especially explosive. She can be intense. I'm not unfamiliar with these character traits; they could have come from either side - but when I see her acting out I take it REALLY personally. I feel like I genetically gave her these problems and that I'm the only one who can possibly solve her bad behavior. I so often think about what other people would say, or what they think while they're watching her misbehaving. And it feels rotten. So instead of dealing with Kate, giving her what she needs, I'm focusing on my own issues. Yuck. Mistake #1.
Mistake #2 I have labeled her inappropriately. When I'm feeling negative I think of her as aggressive, stubborn, explosive, and demanding. It hurts a little just to admit that, to see it in print. But when I label her that way, or even encourage others to label her that way, it's not really true. Why wouldn't I say that she's assertive, opinionated, and selective? She is those things and so much more. She is also incredibly loving and helpful and energetic. Have you heard her belly laugh? There is no better sound on the planet. Her smile is fantastic, and she loves her family like crazy.
Mistake #3 I hope wasn't writing this post. The truth as I see it is that most kids I observe aren't quite as intense as Kate. I know that all kids have their moments, but somehow I think Kate's can be different. What I'm saying is that if you're wondering if other people's children ever act a particular way - know that I understand. Know that you're not alone and that there is hope.
* Another truth is that she's just the way I dreamed she would be. She's interesting and capable and not easily dissuaded; she's also curious and challenging and I thank God she's mine. I learn a lot from that tiny little blonde person and I think we make quite a team.
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9 comments:
We love our little Kate and you!! I definitely understand those character traits and understand trying not to take things personally with kids :: good luck and it seems like it was cathartic :)
When you said cathartic, I thought you meant that the way that Kate "acted out" was cathartic.
Which I bet it was.
As a former tantrum thrower and strong willed person myself, I say that things can only get better over time. You are also an example of that. Maybe doesn't help too much now, but at least you can take comfort that things are going to turn out great.
We love Kate so much! And I don't think that we outsiders are ever thinking the worst of her- we love all the great things about her. Just ask Camille, who kept begging to play with "her Kate" yesterday even during your discussion period.
You're doing a good job.
thanks guys - you're very kind
Very well said! You're such a good mom. I remember that first time we went to your condo in SLC and Kate yelled at Isaac or something and your face got red and you were like "I don't even know what to say." and were embarrassed. In my head I was thinking, DUDE. That's my kid, day in and day out, and if she yells once (or whatever it was), you are doing a REALLY good job. From the times I've observed you being a mother you are calm, kind and always seem to react appropriately. I could take some lessons from you. For real.
Yes, I agree with 'happy family' and Emily. We are so hard on ourselves as mothers and hope people aren't judging our kids when they're going through tough phases. But you are right, they have to go through them. Not only are they growing, but we get to learn from them. Life is an amazing journey of ups and downs-and better to go through them together than alone. Just as you feel blessed, Kate is blessed too! She has an inquisitive, creative, attentive and loving mother who married a fantastic man. Sara is right, whatever phases and characteristics she is learning to work through, as you continue your patience and perseverance-it can only get better. :)
Thanks for the honesty. Sometimes I wonder if my home is the only place this is going on. It is nice to know I am in such good company. And the parental guilt, such a tool of Satan. I have to say I agree with Emily. I am in awe at the calm way you deal with Kate when she needs that from you. You are such a wonderful example for her.
I agree w/ all these great comments, and I agree that you and Spencer are fantastic parents. I remember when I had Meredith and she was alot like Kate...I probably was too...strong willed, etc. etc. Just keep doing all the good things you are doing and be more patient than I was w/ Meredith....she did turn out fabulous....but I remember a tantrum or two and wondered how to deal w/ it. Thank goodness for her dad who had more patience than I did!!! I think all my grandchildren are fabulous. I expect them all to turn out great. Love from Grandma Nancy
Can't lie, when you said explosive I was thinking diarrhea... :) This post is quite interesting; I don't know many who would dare write it. I love it.
I totally agree with you about our kids behavior being a reflection of ourselves. It's hard to work through that so if you come up with a way, share it with me. :)
A couple days ago, R had an extremely bad day. So bad in fact that the next day she told another mom it was "the baddest day ever." Well, in her night time prayers last night, she thanked Heavenly Father for her "bestest day with her friend Kate." Anyone who can make my child that happy is just fine in my book.
We love Kate just as she is. She is so expressive with her face and voice intonations. She loves to be goofy and you're right, she has a fantastic smile with eyes that sparkle and light up the room. Thank you for giving us Kate. Our world would not be complete without her!
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